Despite popular belief, your anus isn’t just a hole – your anus is a sensitive, magical part of the intestine that helps your body stay clean and working. If you’re for any reason thinking about putting something in it(like the best anal toys), we bring you a list of things that you should avoid. This may look like a joke, but you wouldn’t believe how many people will (hopefully) understand it as a guide.
- Nutella – Sticky yummy substances are always better on pancakes and bread. Otherwise, your anus might get “blocked”.
- Toothpaste (not gel) – Don’t ever, ever put any toothpaste in your butt. Sure it smells nice, but it stings like the devil.
- Balloon – No, there’s absolutely no way you can put a balloon inside your anus, even if you’re used to having monstrous gases.
- Coins – Too dirty. Besides, there are better places where you can keep your money, for example, in the bank.
- Petrol lighter – It’s flammable, and you (probably) don’t work in the circus… Better forget it until you get hired to put your farts on fire in a safe environment.
- Animals – Do not put hamsters, guinea pigs or other animals in your anus. It’s stupid, it hurts, and it’s inhumane.
- Legos – We know they’re colorful and hard to resist, but they’re too rough on the edges.
- Gummy bears – This will definitely clog your backdoor entrance. Eat them instead.
- Crayons – Drawing with wax crayons is fun, but just like we teach children not to put them in the nose, adults should also keep in mind that not all things which are one inch long are intended to go into their anus. To name one of the reasons – crayons can easily break.
- Cigarettes – There’s no point in ruining expensive cigarettes, and everyone knows that asshole is a non-smoker by default.
- Cocaine – Nope, sorry, you can’t get high through your anus. At least with cocaine, that is. If that was possible, the whole world would have probably looked a lot different.
- Mobile Phone – While it can be really annoying sometimes, the solution isn’t shoving it where the sun doesn’t shine. But there are some cool vibration apps which you can download and use your phone for external stimulation.
- Any sex toy that’s been made in China – Since you’re reading this, we assume that you are a person of taste who appreciates good quality. Therefore, it’s definitely better to buy something from well-known manufacturers, because Chinese products are the worst. If you want to be a pervert – do it with style and confidence.
- Bananas – This could work, but just think about where that poor banana has been? It’s certainly not hygienic even if you put a condom on it. Plus, it’s too soft for penetration, or at least that how we feel about it.